...WUT.

Where does a person go about finding pants like this?
Brilliant, I say.
Domo arigato (or whatever), Christine Roboto.

FUCKIN' CATS!

Literally.



lolololol.

LUCILE!

This is being posted purely to point out that Mary Astor is amazifying.
Also, Across The Pacific is TOTALLY HOT.


I HEART THE MARBEAR.

Obnoxiothon is a week or so (depending on my mood) long festival in which Kayla uses made up words and completely fangirlish phrases to describe almost everything she talks about.
LET THE GAMES MUTHAFUCKIN BEGIN.

Yesterday...

How strange is it that Howard Keel recorded the Beatles song, Yesterday?
It's very strange.
Stranger still was Sometimes When We Touch, but I digress.
Yesterday would have been Howard Keel's 88th birthday. I didn't forget, I just... well, you know, it's a long story that no one wants to hear.
I know, since when do I not tell stories that don't really pertain to real life?
Instead, I'll share with you the cutest picture I've seen in a very very very long time. This much cute shouldn't be allowed without some sort of license. Since it is...

Honestly, when I can say something like, "Only Zelma Kathryn can rival that much cute," it's a goddamn adorable picture. I'm pretty much an expert on these sorts of things.

OK, so I posted this and it's still showing up as the 13th. Well, yesterday CENTRAL STANDARD TIME, IN WHICH HOWARD KEEL WAS BORN, was his birthday.

Could be categorized as the beginning of obnoxiothon 2007...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHNNIE LUCILLE COLLIER, AKA ANN "QUEEN OF MUTHAFUCKIN' SPACE" MILLER!
According to some, she would be 90.
Accroding to others, she would be 88.
According to more still, she would be 84.
According to her, she would be 29 and fabulous.

Whatever her age, she will always kick ass and take names in my book.

I seriously want to know what the joke was. Because I'm pretty sure it was at Howard's expense and that amuses me TO NO END.

This is when the hair started to grow...

And it just got more and more amazifying as the years went on.

I FREAKING LOVE ANN MILLER. Fo sho.
I fucking almost fell onto her front lawn. That was some hardcore awesome right there.

The Sinking Ship

...better known as The Pirate Queen. I'll admit it- I'll never see it. I'm not a person who has any right to judge it.
HAHAHAHA BUT HAS THAT EVER STOPPED ME FROM JUDGING THINGS BEFORE? NO HAHAHA.
Anyway, I was browsing the opening night photos, and I ran across something that made me lol with delight.

I'm... let's say I'm 99% fairly certain that Stephanie J. Block got caught humping a wall. I don't know what kind of kinky things Broadway stars are into (though, according to many a fanfic there's a couple of Juilliard grads who are straight up wild), but that's kind of crazy for my tastes. Alas, at least the Queen, herself, (or "Mama," as she says) loves the show.
No one else did. Well, a few people did. But in my world, not a goddamn soul loved it. Not even Joan Allen.

I'm pretty sure that's a look of great indifference on her part. It's "Why am I here and who is this man on my arm?" I like to pretend that after the show, she was just as speechless and acted just the same way her character, Terry, did in The Upside Of Anger after catching her daughter in bed with a total sleeze.
Because honestly, seeing The Pirate Queen is probably a lot like that.

It's coming...

Obnoxiothon 2007.
Get fkn rdy, bchz.

And on the eighth day, God said, "Take a picture, it lasts longer!"

I carry my camera with me everywhere I go. I'm no ~*~photographer~*~, but I do enjoy taking pictures. Here, I post them. There, you roll your eyes and say, "Fuck, not this again."


Gas prices make me lol. They make me angry, but they make me lol.


It's true. I'm the tackiest person you could hope to meet in a month of Sundays.


This is Scott Simpson. He is freakin' amazing. I would start a list of reasons, but this blog post would end up taking anyone about 4 hours to read through.


Hello, Sixth Street. Thank you for helping me recapture my sanity last Tuesday.


I love my Pete Gene. He helped me shop for clothes! If you hadn't guessed by my purse, I tend to gravitate toward the extremely ridiculous. Who needs William Sledd when you have your very own gay man? :) OK, so the answer to that question is, "Basically everyone you love minus Kathryn Grayson because she doesn't do the intarweb thing," but that is TOTALLY beside the point. Would William Sledd go through stores with me, picking out clothes and bemoaning the fact that Patti LuPone seems to have taken over the fashion industry with her totally amazing fashion sense?

You can't watch just one episode of The Sopranos!

Ohhhh yes, I can!
I most certainly did...

-The truth is, I'm under house arrest.
-Oh my God... does it hurt?
-It beeps.

On Grey Gardens and stuff and stuff...

With Christine Ebersole taking her vacation next week and the numerous people who have reported seeing Dale Soules filling in for Mary Louise Wilson, I somehow find myself jealous that I can't see anyone else in the roles. I feel as though this is a milestone in my life. I've realized that this is a sort of reflection of the personal growth I've had in the past year. While I've always been a fan of numerous people, I've been of the mindset that a specific show or song or anything didn't matter if the star I love was gone. Now, I want to see everything. I want to see it from all aspects because I want to see other peoples' takes on something.
Since last July, I've been sort of growing in to this power I've had all along, but wasted on petty arguments like the MacEddy group vs. the people who don't believe Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy had an affair. I read everything on that topic that I could get my hands on so that I could make an informed decision, so that I could teach other people about the entire situation with only a slight bias toward the opinion I made. (Now, if I'm having a friend to friend conversation, the bias is VERY clear. When it's new people, it's another story.) I've come to the realization that I am one of a very few people who has the ability to understand where people are coming from on both sides of an argument and stay completely rational. I would never make a decent critic of anything because I find good, or in some cases, sense, in almost everything. The drawback is that it takes me a little longer to make a clear cut opinion on anything, but it's very lovely to know that I am no longer that stub nosed, hard headed person. I won't hide from anything anymore. I won't push it away because it's not what I have been trained to believe in.
On being a fan, someone once said that the truest ones are those who read everything they can, see everything they can, and not leave any stone unturned. I think that can be applied to the bigger picture of life, too. If you want to know about something, don't blindly trust anyone. Look at every aspect, and then use your powers of reason to make your own opinion.

Don't be afraid of having to occasionally reevaluate yourself. More importantly, don't be ashamed of who you were. People may judge you based on your past, but if you know in your heart that you are a better person today, that you have learned from your mistakes, the slings and arrows can't hurt you.

ANY WAY YOU WANT IT.

I sit here on this fine Sunday night, enjoying a little Diet Pepsi and Journey (don't laugh, you just can't admit that you listen to them), and I contemplate a question posed to me. "Excluding the picture of you and Christine, what would your top three favorite photos from your trip to New York?"

I HAVE AN ANSWER.

3. The Broadway Bargain Bin

For anyone who is unaware, Christine was in Steel Magnolias. One of those hats became mine for the low low sale price of $11. Someone else from that bin became Cara's for a very low low price, too.

2. POST NO BILLS.

Oh, I know what you may be thinking. It goes a little something like, "What the hell..." I took this picture because the painted boards made me laugh, but the more I think about it, the more that phrase really captures the very feeling I had during an unfortunate encounter with... Eve Harrington. So Eve Harrington, if you're reading this, I dedicate this picture to you. Don't post Bill.

1. Mary Louise Wilson sign @ Walter Kerr Theatre

MARY LOUISE WILSON = RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF AMAZING, PERSONIFIED.
Enough said.

Note to self:

Dear Kayla,
While it is polite to be nice to people, you don't actually have to make yourself like them. Use this advice wisely. Use it primarily where one of your jobs is concerned.
xoxo,
Kayla

IT'S MAH BLOG, I DO WHAT I WANT.

So, while friend Cara and I were in the fair hamlet of New York City, we ran away from someone scary on the advice of our Lord, Jesus Christ someone who was equally as scared CHRISTINE EBERSOLE NOT SINGING YOU COULDN'T HANDLE IT, JAMIE ON MY CELL PHONE...

and into Tyne Daly.
We feel that she was amused by us.
I feel that we owe her a great debt of gratitude.
This is why I have created the first ever Tyne_Macro.
Go forth and spread the Tyne to all the peoples in all the world.

Another post. Whatever, this is srrs bzns.

MY FAITH IN MANKIND HAS BEEN RESTORED. THANK YOU, BROADWAYSECRETS@LJ.COM

Ready... set... OMFGWE'REALLGOINGTODIE!

I took an excursion over to my default home page to check a little something called "my personal e-mail." You might have heard of e-mail. It's a highly guarded government secret, but hopefully the masses will flock to my blog and learn all about it.
Oh hahahahahaha, see, sometimes I forget that part about no one giving a shit.
Anyway, they have the "most popular searches" function in their so-called search engine. In the world of search engines, this one finds about as much as you would if you asked a question to your cat, then began beating your head on a table until you were just barely conscious and mistook the sound of the dryer for your cat answering you. Nonetheless, the most popular search today was for Ready.gov. This is the spectacular government run website that you go to in order to find out what items are absolutely necessary, should we be attacked by terrorists. Or, as George W. Bush would say, "terr'iss." Also, keep in mind that these suggestions are coming from the same government that brought you "DUCK AND COVER" during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
The list is as follows, complete with overall unnecessary commentary.
1. Water, one gallon of water per person per day for at least three days, for drinking and sanitation (In other words, das Mutterland has been kind enough to provide us with three days to get on God's right side after the world fucking ends.)
2. Food, at least a three-day supply of non-perishable food (drei Tage! Three days! No more, assholes!)
3. Battery-powered or hand crank radio and a NOAA Weather Radio with tone alert and extra batteries for both (Expect mostly cloudy skies with a bit of precipitation. Heh, precipitation. Good one, eh, Dianne? Don't be such a bitch about this, Dianne. We've got three days left on Earth and you'll give in eventually. They all give in. And now to Jerry with sports!)
4. Flashlight and extra batteries (Make sure it's a mag lite. If you're not dead within three days, you can beat yourself to death in the name of... freedom fries?)
5. First aid kit (Make sure you get the kind with all those completely-unnecessary-to-every-day-life things like finger cots.)
6. Whistle to signal for help (If you would prefer, try a megaphone, which you can use to keep any other neighborhood survivors up to date with the color coded terror alerts. "IT'S RED. WE'RE STILL DOUBLE FUCKED WITH SIDE OF MUSTARD GAS.")
7. Dust mask, to help filter contaminated air and plastic sheeting and duct tape to shelter-in-place (Need I say more?
8. Moist towelettes, garbage bags and plastic ties for personal sanitation (And all along we thought that moist towelette were only good for after we've consumed mass quantities of BBQ, or have simply walked into a KFC and need to cleanse ourselves of the thoughts of Bea Arthur. They're a crucial to surviving your three days!)
9. Wrench or pliers to turn off utilities (Because it's altogether probable that after the country has been brutally raped in the asshole by a nuclear warhead, we'll still have power.)
10. Can opener for food (if kit contains canned food) (But if that kit does not contain canned food, you had better not even PLAN on taking a can opener! If der Führer gets wind of you having one without cause, you will be stripped and searched for other weapons of mass destruction faster than you can say "Don't cry for me, Argentina)
11. Local maps (And if you decide to be a real militant asshole about the whole thing and not accept those VERY GENEROUS three days of life given to you by das Mutterland, you can secure your compund with the aforementioned duct tape, turn the dial to rocket power, hand over the map to the flight crew, and enjoy your trip to outer space. 'Cause if ya'll don' like wut tha gov'ment is givin' ya, ya'll need to git out!